Tearwater
by thir13enth
Summary: Oneshot. Kikyou thinks over about herself, while having a short conversation with Inuyasha. She regrets everything that she has done...


**Well, I hope you guys like the format I put it in.**

**-Midori**

* * *

He comes to me all of a sudden, and approached to where I stand.  
I haven't seen him in long. Isn't he supposed to be with the other?  
Why did he wish to keep coming back? He couldn't make quick and  
simple decisions. No, he always made things more complicated.

I love him; he loves me. Those are facts and true  
statements. But he also loves another; another loves him. So  
therefore he goes away; I go away. I iwsh he hadn't said  
my name when the witch gave him a chance to bring alive  
one person from the dead. I wish he neverspoken my name.  
And even if he did, I wish that my reliving was not interrupted.

I am not complete. I live on souls.  
Now that I am here, what else could I do  
but get back at Naraku. For all he did.

Even if I was relived again, my  
other would die, and not get to live her deserved life. I  
shouldn't have two lives. A low life like me wouldn't  
deserve it.

But he spoke my name and that was what happened.  
I wish to die but I must think about the troubles I will cause if  
I die with my own weapon. Things would go better if I  
just died by someone else. It would be a waste of power to  
heal my anger.

I now regret that I missed my chance to die.

I don't wish to live upon others' souls, upon a body that is  
not alive.

This isn't even close to life.

But I still dread as Inuyasha steps nearer and nearer to me.  
My steady eyes follow in slow motion as his feet step next to  
my own.

I look up, not understanding if he was going to speak to me,  
or do upon an action.

He does neither, just tries to stare blankly into my eyes.  
When he finds he cannot catch my eyes, he asks me in a low  
voice, "Do you love me or not, Kikyou?"

I do not understand why he would think not but I feel his  
pain and hurt, for I am avoiding him, ignoring him, lost in my  
own selfish thoughts.

I finally say, "I hate--", but I stop there and he looks down  
intending that the subject of my predicate of my sentence to be him.  
"--myself," I finish off.

Inuyasha says nothing, but I feel immediate relief from him.

"I deserve to die," I continue, spacing out on some  
blank spot behind him. This night encounterance is not going  
very well.

Because of me, of course.

It's always my fault.

It's my fault that Onigumo loved me.  
My fault I fell for Inuyasha.  
My fault Onigumo was hurt and gave his body to the demons.  
My fault this whole mess up is happening.

My fault, everything.

Everything.

"Why?" he asks.

The question resounds in my head for many times.

I take a breath, commencing to swallow down the choking in my  
throat and trying to keep cool so that I wouldn't heat and blush in tears.  
I must be strong. "Everything...is...my fault," I manage to  
say before feeling burning tears run down my already warm cheeks.

I quickly turn. Crying was weakness. Weakness was to cry.

I blink and rid my eyes of tears. I breathe calmly.  
Inuyasha considers my spoken words, I believe, since everything  
was deathly quiet afterward. I could only here my blood  
pumping in my ears, if I had any blood in my worthless  
clay body.

"Not everything," he answers. "It's my fault for loving you."

What was I doing? I wasn't trying to make him feel guilty.  
"No, you love me because I am here," I snap back.

"Why is that all your fault?"

I find I am speechless.

"It's not all your fault. Life's just like that."

I feel more tears coming. He loves me, he really cares for me.  
Why was I so weak? I am so helpless.  
I slowly shake my head.

He sighes. Then I feel two arms wrapping around my waist.  
He pull me back into him and slowly turns me around.  
We stay in this position for a while.

I let my tears run. I wish I wasn't being pressed against his  
chest , where his clothing soaked up all of my tearwater. These  
tears of pain. The crystals of water from them contain each a  
picture,a memory, an imaginary picture, of all sad past times. I was  
letting it out on Inuyasha.

Inuyasha did not deserve my pain. He had already has pain.

Because of me.

I cry harder and stifle a burst of pain.

I must stop thinking.

I must stop my emotions from controlling me.

"Inuyasha...maybe I...just out to...to kill myself," my  
voice cracks and I pull away from him.

"No!" he yells softly and cradles me back into his arms. "You belong  
withme."

"You belong with Kagome. Go off with her and leave me alone,"  
I say bitterly. Then, I recoil and add, "please."  
As if that would actually help.

I turn around, not wanting him to feel pain. What good was it, to  
give one pain only though one didn't want to? What good was it?  
I had no intention to harm him in any way.

Inuyasha had not yet shed tears, however.

That was good enough. He did not exert.

I swallow, and say softly, "You will be happier with Kagome-chan.  
She is more beautiful than I, and more soft at heart. Better yet,  
she is alive. Live like you did before I was reborn from the earth."

My words are cold. I feel them pierce through his soul. I look  
up into his golden yellow eyes.

"I can't live like that. You.." his voice trailed. It wasn't with  
sadness, it was with normalty. He had trailed off because he  
wished not to say it. It wasn't true. He would say, wanted to say, that I was his  
only love. But even he knew that wasn't true, despite how much he  
hated Kagome at first. He knew that he was falling in love, or am in love, with two  
women of the same soul. Two women who left the same  
about the one of him. It was as if thisone he loved was  
seperated into two parts. If one was put down, the other would suffer.

I know that his love for me is much stronger than for Kagome, but I  
also know that it would hurt Kagome more than it would for  
me. I have already been devastated by love.  
In fact, one's love for me damaged the love I had for  
Inuyasha.

I stop my thoughts. It is my fault. There is not doubt  
about that. "You can have your life with Kagome.  
Forget me, I'll be dying anyhow."

"We have the same goal! You can travel with us. I am sure  
Kagome wouldn't mind."

I shrug and look into the night stars. "I wouldn't mind either...but  
even if she wouldn't mind, it is not right for that."

"But--"

"It's not right. You will suffer even more," I pause for to quickly bit my lip a bit.  
"And that's all I care about."

At that, I wish to end this and intend to walk away.  
But I stand with no thoughts, staring at the sky.

Then I step away slowly.

I know he still watching me go, though I have already  
disappeared into the night.

* * *

**Ah...done.**

**This gives me a poetic feeling.  
Well thankies then, see ya later, readers.**

**-Midori**


End file.
